Bed last night- 12 AM Sleep- 12:15 AM
Wake up- 8:15 AM Get up- 8:48 AM
Today was supposed to be field trip day, but we decided to swap Craft Day for the field trip because of the heat. We’ll try to get on the field trip early tomorrow to avoid the heat outside (Heat Index over 100, humidity through the roof). So, instead, we painted rocks! It was a lot more relaxed than I thought the girls would be into, but I refuse to complain about that. Now, we have rocks that I need to seal and we can put out in the garden!
C- Started building my Rise and Shine Binders for next school year today
R- Aftermath, by Chuck Windig
A- (failed here today. I really need to clean up my treadmill, so I can fix this)
F- Stay Positive- combat negative thoughts
T- Journal and Blog entry
Breakfast- Activia Greek Yogurt (vanilla) and a 1/4 cup of Bare Naked Granola (Vanilla and almond)
Lunch- Yoplait Yogurt Smoothie (Pina Collada)
Dinner- 4 oz of pork loin chop, 6 slices of baked zuchinni (breaded, with parmesean and garlic), Marzetti’s Asiago dressing (1.5 tblsp )
Snack- (I’m craving something really bad and luckily, I don’t have much in this house that classifies. I’m going to try to keep it not contradictive, though.)
20 ounces of water with breakfast
12 ounce smoothie for lunch
24 ounces of tea with dinner
56 ounces total. I found my bottle today, so I’m working on this, this week.
REVIEW OF PLANS FOR TODAY:
- Start cleaning routine and get back to your checklist.
- Find the charger for your FitBit and get it charged to track heart rate, sleep, and steps- Ordered a new charger which should be here tomorrow!
- TAKE A WALK and Meditate after dinner.
Call the dr and set up an appointment for meds, and other medical issues. Craft Day- Painting Rocks Cleaning Day- Dining Room
- Cleaning out the veggie garden on the side of the flower garden up front.
Today was an important day in my life. I don’t think anyone else will know the difference, but I felt the change this morning. It started yesterday evening and I’ve just kept turning it over in my head. Today, the changes started. You see, I realized yesterday that the reason why I’m upset every time I see my friends getting together without me, or plans don’t go the way I had them in my head, or I’m disappointed with how something turned out, is because of an expectation I set for myself. I can blame Damon Salvatore for this a bit, since I caught a quote while I was binge watching Season 7 of the Vampire Diaries that resonated very strongly. He was talking about this bottle of wine that he’d purchased, thinking it would just keep getting better with time and, as a vampire, he had loads of that on tap. He stored it and thought about how amazing it was going to taste when he finally cracked it open. Then he realized one day that there wasn’t a single sip of that wine that was ever going to taste as good as he’d built it up to be in his head. So he let go of the expectations for that bottle of wine (and started drinking bourbon, but that’s a different conversation, altogether). I realized yesterday that I had been treating all of my friends like that bottle of wine. I keep building up expectations of all the wonderful things we’ll experience and getting hurt when I see those expectations falling in someone else’s lap, some other person is there in my place and I wasn’t even invited. These people don’t even know what I’ve built up in my head, so why am I holding them responsible for the pain I’ve caused myself? It didn’t make any sense. That was true for everyone in my life… my husband, my kids, my friends, my relatives. Worse, I knew it was horrible of me to expect it, so I never said a word, if I could get out of it. So, I was being fair to THEM, but I was still torturing MYSELF.
No more. I’m done with that. From here on, I promise myself that I will be independent and happy about it. I will live in the moments that I have, that I am present for, and I will be more mindful of those things, instead of moping because they’re not going the way I wanted them to. I’m going to fight the urge to have expectations, which is EXTREMELY difficult for my INFJ self to do, because I think through every scenario of everything before it happens so that I’m prepared for the outcomes. Just NO! I’m not going to do that to myself, anymore. I vow to put down the phone more, goose my kids more, and STOP raising my voice to get my point across. Volume doesn’t make an argument more right.
I’ve reverted to a paper bullet journal so I have a physical thing to manipulate. It does a good job of forcing me to be accountable to myself, so I’ll take it. I won’t say I feel better today, because that’s not really true. I feel a bit more numb and indifferent, which feels strange since it’s been 10 days since my last Lexapro. I set up the doctor’s appointment this morning, though, and started writing down all the things I need to discuss with her. I’m going to keep adding to the list as I go, all the way until I am sitting in front of her.
I started working on things for school next year. I uploaded my class posters to Staples and priced printing them out (almost $80 and that’s with a 20% off coupon code). I printed the pages I need for the student Rise and Shine notebooks, so it’s ready for me to copy onto colored paper and laminate. I even logged into my school e-mail ( I never do that away from the building because I don’t like the stress) and tried to find information about the changes they’re making for next year in the curriculum. I can’t stand it that the board is keeping everything so close to the chest. They’re going to expect us to be doing this on Day 1 in August and most of us won’t get the particulars until the fading days of July. You can’t train me on something on Monday and expect me to be proficient enough to start teaching it on Thursday. Not without a lot of prep work and planning time and, let’s be honest, that isn’t happening. It looks like a home grown program, anyway, and one that they’re not fully funding, at that. We were told they’re getting away from novel studies, but the stuff they released last month has a read aloud list full of, you guessed it, new novels! It looks like they’re twisting Reader’s Workshop into it, with Writer’s Workshop, in the Grammar section. There are hints of Daily 5, too. Honestly, it just annoys me that we have no time to learn what they want before we’re expected to do it. I feel a bit like a first year teacher again, except there’s not going to be anyone in any better position than me. The state changed the Science and Social Studies standards, the board is changing the ELA and Math delivery systems… and I’m switching grade levels. No worries, though. I’m going to attack Reader’s and Writer’s Workshop, I have been doing butchered versions of these the last few years, anyway. Throw some Words Their Way on the side as Differentiated Spelling work and work my way through the Eureka Math modules that they are getting the Print Shop to print for everyone in the district. Raise your hands if you think we’ll have those the first day…
Ah well, folks. TO steal a phrase that I need to wrap my head around a bit more…
Until next time!