Posted in Tired of being Tired

Withdrawals…

So, I ran out of Lexapro this weekend and couldn’t get the prescription refilled until I went to the doctor again. That left me with a 4 day drought of my meds. I’m pleased to say that my temper wasn’t a problem until the very end of the 4th day! However, what I didn’t expect, was the withdrawals that resulted in some really weird dizziness for a few days. Googling the effects is enough to make your blood pressure go up, so I don’t recommend that. I went to the Doctor yesterday, though, got my prescription, and got back on my meds last night. Today? ABSOLUTELY ZERO dizziness.

Fantastic. So, now I’m dependent on the Lexapro. I suppose, right now, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I have issues with depression and stress and the meds do really help me with that. There are a lot of people in this world who would judge me for this, but at this point in my life, I don’t really care much. You see, if I don’t take them, I get wrapped around the axle about everything and I can’t sleep. I cry a ton and I start getting hit with the textbook depression issues (not being good enough, no one liking me enough to give a hoot if I’m around or not… that kind of stuff). Honestly, that stuff doesn’t go away with the Lexapro, so if you’re looking for something to make that shut up, meds aren’t the way to do it. For me, it allows me to let things go. Things still bother me, like the idiot drivers on my way to work every morning. The difference is that I’m not still irritated about those drivers when I leave work in the afternoon. I can let it go. THAT is why I keep that prescription going.

Something else new in my day is a different kind of withdrawal. A friend of mine gave me a writing project a few months ago and I just couldn’t wrap my head around the information he gave me well enough to flesh a story out of it. Oh, it’s not because it was lacking! It’s because there’s just so much depth there! I almost understand how Brandon Sanderson felt picking up the Wheel of Time series and trying to write the next three books keeping all of the details straight when he’s not the one who created them! This is nowhere on that scale, granted, but it’s taken me a bit of reading, rereading, thinking, tweaking, and a burst of inspiration to really get my head working on a story. The good news is that I spent time brainstorming and jotting notes, then transferred those notes into Liquid Story Binder (I like this writing binder program better than anything else), and even started writing on it this evening. There’s still a bunch of thinking and working out to do, but I have a good handle on where this story is starting, now! That makes me feel good!

I’ll be getting the results of the NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Challenge tonight, too. I’m determined not to be up when they get delivered, but I’m more anxious about this than I thought I’d be, at first. Why midnight? You’re killing me, people!

So that’s about all I’ve been up to, today. I’ve done a lot of work in my head the last few days and it seems to be paying off, finally. YAY!

Until next time,

This is me, checking in at 216.1 pounds!

 

 

PS- The Doctor gave me a pat on the back for the weight loss yesterday, too. GO ME!

Posted in Optimum Health, Tired of being Tired

Cleaning Day

There’s not a lot to talk about today. It was cleaning day, here at my house. We have a party next Saturday for my oldest daughter’s birthday. There’s a lot of things that need doing around my house, so… I did some of them. One thing is my yarn stash needs some organizing. I have boxes and boxes of yarn outside in the garage and bags inside. I cleaned off a bookcase (that’s a big thing for me, you should be shocked) and moved it into a corner of the dining room, where I then loaded it up with my yarn. It looks nice, but I really want to get some of the cube bin shelving so I can hide all the strings. That’ll have to wait until after this weekend, though.

I am running low on food again. I’ve decided I really hate this and this morning I edited my order (which will be placed on Tuesday) so I get more of the things I am running out of. Hopefully, it won’t happen again next month, especially since I have so much left of the stuff I ordered prior to now that isn’t quite so “grab and go” friendly.

Which made me realize that, perhaps, the problem with my eating habits centers around my need to eat things that I can multi-task with. It’s a long-running joke that teachers learn how to eat and work or scarf down food in record times because we simply don’t have the extra time in our days to sit down and just eat. I know it’s funny because it’s true, though. I don’t have a lot of prep time, so dinner is really the only meal I have all day that I can prepare what I eat. Even nuking the mashed potatoes is difficult while I’m at school! It’s much more convenient to grab a bar or mix a shake that I down in a couple of gulps while I’m grading papers than to mix this, stir that, microwave for one minute, stir again and microwave another minute, then let stand for X minutes. “Let stand,” is secret code for “forget you made this” in teacher language. That’s usually what happens for me, anyway. I get all the way to that point, I’ve invested 5 or so minutes in the process of making food and I get distracted by a phone call, an e-mail, or the stack of papers on my desk.

So, what’s the answer, here? I can’t stay on this diet forever. I don’t have prep time in the evenings to make the following day’s food, so cutting up celery or making a week’s worth of chicken salad isn’t an option. I need food that I can grab and go that isn’t full of processed crap and won’t result in me fitting in these pants again.

*sighs* There’s not an answer. That’s the answer here. I have some time to find alternatives, too. I have a little over 70 pounds left to lose, so I’ll be packing my shakes and crunch bars for a while to come. Maybe I just feel a little melancholy, especially since I just realized I haven’t done laundry for tomorrow, yet. Well, crap! I haven’t had my meds in a few days, either. Boo.

Until next time,

This is me, checking in at 217 pounds.

Posted in Optimum Health, Tired of being Tired, Uncategorized

Breakthroughs come in different shapes…

Today has been a day of some serious tests for me. Let’s start at the beginning. I promise to tell you when the breakthroughs came.

I woke up, quite grouchy and groggy, when the kids started yelling at 7. I remained grumpy until 8, when I drug  myself out of bed to cook breakfast. This makes me extra grouchy, these days, because I get up and cook a breakfast I can’t eat. Biscuits, muffins, cinnamon rolls… even worse is that my youngest daughter has decided she doesn’t like eating any of those things and usually eats cereal and the oldest has decided she just doesn’t want to eat anything. I make them, hoping someone will eat them. My husband has confessed he’s “not much of a breakfast eater.” No, that doesn’t make any sense to me, either. It’s the thing I miss most! This morning, I was annoyed enough that I ate biscuits. I ate them with my homemade Peach preserves, even! I felt horrible, which had nothing to do with the biscuits. The grogginess, the aches in my shoulders, the pain in my back.

Since I felt like crap, I didn’t go to fighter practice. No, I don’t think I was contagious. It was just a bone-deep achiness that meant fighting was out for me today. This was the first test, I think. I could’ve stayed home, wallowed in my ickiness, and had the house to myself for a few hours. The girls were at a friends’ house for a play date. My husband was off to the track early to get some practice in before the races started.

I didn’t go back home after I dropped them off, though. I did something that I wasn’t sure I wanted to do: I went to a local Fiber Guild meeting. I wasn’t sure what to expect from that experience, to be honest, and I wasn’t sure how to approach it. I’m NOT a newbie with strings. I’ve been doing stuff with strings since I was in 3rd grade. In the last two years I’ve branched out considerably, and there’s so much more I want to do with strings! So, I jumped in. I took my craft bag in case I was ready to yawn myself to sleep at a business meeting (c’mon, they’re boring for newbies, especially newbies with no voting power or experience to have an opinion about anything), sat in the back corner (I would sit there, anyway, to be honest. That’s where I usually like to hide.), and knitted with my Bullet Journal open just in case I wanted to write anything down.

I get to go to school on Monday and tell those kids I was a risk-taker today! I had a great time! Most of the ladies there are older, but they’re just as enamored with strings as I am! They’re a bit more hippie about it, I think. I’m WAY MORE traditional with my patterns and things. They like free form quilting (huh?) and the things those ladies can dye and weave is simply amazing! The words “that captures the spirit I was feeling” came out of someone’s mouth and the nodding that went along with it across the room made me laugh (internally, of course. My mama taught me manners!). People came over to introduce themselves, though, and wanted to talk to me about the knitting I was doing. One other new person there brought some show-and-tell that was about 6 waist pockets that she had hand embroidered designs on. She didn’t know the name of the stitch (it was stem and I kind of hated her for how good it looked when mine still looks like crap!), but the designs were gorgeous, hand drawn, and close to perfectly stitched. She just picked up a needle a few months ago! After the meeting, the President walked over to introduce herself to me, specifically. There were 6 new people there and she introduced herself to ME! We talked about weaving for a bit (it’s on my list of things to learn, as soon as I can get my hands on  an inkle loom that doesn’t break the bank!) and she invited me to their workroom upstairs at Oatland Island after their little chat and munch session! Do I think I made the right decision in going to this meeting? ABSOLUTELY! I get paid on Thursday and my check for dues will be in the mail shortly thereafter!

Now, here comes another test. You see, this was a luncheon meeting. Sandwiches, fruit trays, veggie trays, and these amazing chocolate cookies that had a swatch of cream cheese icing and shaved chocolate bits on the top… yeah. I took one look at them setting that table up and my head said,

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The tour would happen AFTER the eating. I would have to sit and watch them eat that yummy smelling goodness and fight getting some of my own every second if I wanted to see that workroom, which I really, really did want to do! I did what any sensible person with an iron willed determination not to gain twenty pounds in chocolate cookies would do when faced with this situation, right slap in the middle of Oatland Island! I went to visit the wolves!

Yeah, you heard me right. I took my stuff out to the swagger wagon, locked it up and went for a walk! I decided that the main trail was only a little over a mile and I should be able to do that in about 30 minutes, probably less. Besides, the trail is mostly in the shade and it wasn’t TOO hot, yet. Maybe I’d hit my 10k steps today! I filled up my water bottle and struck out. I visited the wolf pups, who are so big, now! The last time I saw these guys, they were tiny, big footed, babies! Now look at them, all grown into their ears!

There was some damage from the storm on the walkway on the other side, but it doesn’t seem to have done any damage to their habitat, so yay!

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It made my walk a little longer, since I had to go the long way around this section of walkway, but that was alright. The detour was down a road that is restricted to staff go carts, so I’d never been down there. The Marsh Walk was open, so I doubled back so I could get that part of the trail in. I love that walk, and any other time, I take that walk VERY SLOW so I can appreciate how quiet it is out there. Today, it was more about getting my exercise, but I did watch the tide rolling in while I walked it and smiled at the fish biting in the marsh grass.

By the time I made it back to the main building, most everyone from the meeting had gone and the rest were already upstairs. I took the elevator up (I really want to walk up those stairs. Maybe I’ll ask next time. They’re gorgeous and I love them. It’s a Scarlet O’Hara thing, I think, but I am seriously in love with a good staircase. Anyway, I found the President upstairs with another member and 4 newbies. When I ducked into the workshop with my jaw on the floor, she turned and said, “Tiffany! I was looking for you before we came up! I thought you’d left before I could bring you up here!” You know, I learned something right then and there. You want newbies to stick around, make sure you know their names 40 minutes after you talk to them. Address them before they address you. And make sure they know you were looking out for them. I was floored! If I wasn’t in love with this bunch already, that would’ve sealed it for me. This is one of those things I’m going to have to remember going forward, I think. Now, here’s the porn from that workshop…

As a member, you have access to anything in that room as long as Oatland Island is open. FREE! If you need to take it home (and can get it out of there), there’s a small rental fee ($20 a month for a loom, people!), but you sign it out and take it home! It’s RIGHT THERE! That’s just… WOAH!

So, I left there, feeling good! I stopped at the Dollar Tree on Victory Drive to waste some time, then headed over for my 3 O’clock appointment for Painting with a Twist. I had prepaid for a friend and I to do this Beauty and the Beast stained glass piece with the rose and I’ve been looking forward to it since they posted it and I sent in our registration! I walk in the door and find out… the class started at 1, not 3. I had missed the thing! My buddy never showed, either! The lovely folks gave me a credit, so I can go another time and it’s already paid for. They didn’t have to do that, but they’re really awesome people and they did. I was still pretty upset about it, though, and sat in the parking lot for a cry before I backed out and decided what I was going to do with myself.

What did I decide? Well, I stopped at McDonald’s for a chocolate chip frappe to drown my sorrows, went to the track, and parked it on my husband’s couch, soaking up his AC in the trailer. I downloaded Netflix onto my phone and started an episode of the Gilmore Girls with my headphones in and worked on my knitting. I got to do that for an hour, which was kind of nice. He was racing, so he was in and out a few times, but otherwise, it was peaceful, quiet time for me. That’s its own kind of therapy.

Then I picked up the girls, picked up dinner and went back to the track to make sure my husband ate something. The girls made me go to the bathroom with them after we ate, then demanded to see the “ducks” on the way back. We were at Lake Mayer, and there are a ton of Canadian Geese, some mallards, seagulls, and random other birds like chickens, that hang out there. There was a family of kids throwing bread at them near the lake, and the girls thought that was awesome. I tried to keep them away from the kids, not wanting them to intrude on their fun, but their Dad brought my oldest a loaf of bread and said she could throw it at the birds, too. He’d stopped by the store on the way and I swear bought out the bread isle so his kids could enjoy feeding the birds. I was so touched by that and the way the kids just… played together, feeding the ducks and geese and laughing at their antics when the bread got too close to another bird. I had left my phone in the trailer, or I’m sure there would be a billion pictures of that moment to share with you!

I will put a bit of an aside here… I’m not a big one to talk about race issues. Honestly, it’s because I think they’re stupid. Actions speak louder than words or appearances and should always be what is used to decide whether you want to interact with someone or not. Judgement is for God, not me, so I accept that people are the way they are and if I don’t agree with something they DO (see how I didn’t say “how they look?” learn something, people!), then I don’t hang around with them. Modern society has made me suspicious of EVERYONE and, honestly, when it comes to my beautiful girls, I don’t trust ANYONE around them if I don’t know them, regardless of whether it’s an 80 year old white grannie or a 20 year old black guy! I’ve noticed something this summer that makes me happy, though. I blame racial idiots for my noticing it, but, thanks to the news, I’ve been a little more cognizant and concerned about how stirring up racial issues can affect my kids in public. They have NO CONCEPT of race and I like it that way. They truly judge whether they want to associate with people based on how those people treat them, and openly give everyone the benefit of reaching their hands out in friendship, regardless of ANYTHING! I think this is one of my biggest achievements as a mother, truly, and I pray that never changes. I bring this up because what I’ve noticed is that, no matter where I am, no matter what is on the news, the people of this city are NOT reacting to it. At least, not with open hostility every where. People hold doors for each other! The guy that handed my kid a loaf of bread had dark skin and a mouth full of gold teeth! I know people who would’ve run the other way when he walked up to them! Instead, we joked about kids and geese, and buying a ton of bread because they were there a few weeks ago and there was a big fight about the single loaf they’d brought not being enough for his kids to all feed the birds! I laughed because I didn’t bring ANY bread and this was far from my first trip to the lake! I’ve noticed the exact opposite of what I feared was about to start happening here and it makes me so happy that I’m proud to live here! Yes, our crime rate is not the best. Yes, lots of people get shot in this city every year. Yes, there are a lot of horrible things that go on around here on a daily basis. It’s not a perfect place! But it’s the same place where people from completely different worlds can laugh about bread and geese! It’s the same place where I held a door for four people when I stopped to get gas and only one of them thought that was weird, but all of them smiled and said “thank you!” I’ve made it a point to smile, look people in the eye and tell them to have a great day this summer. I’m an introvert, looking people in the eye is not something that comes easy to me. I’ve forced myself to do it, though, and what I see is that, when I do, they smile back. Their eyes smile back. I don’t care that color their skin is, how old they are, or the neighborhood they live in! They all smile back. THAT makes me feel good about this place. I challenge you to do the same. Be an equal opportunity smiler and see what happens!

OK, soap box over. The girls were exhausted by the time the little one finished eating and I had to make sure stop sweeping her Daddy’s trailer so we could leave, which I only did by promising she could sweep it when he got home and out of the shower. We came home, they played with their guinea pigs, then ran around like the loopy kids they were until bedtime. They’re really tough to handle when they’re like this. The little bursts into tears if you correct her behavior, the oldest one is completely off her medication and can’t control ANYTHING she does… it’s a really ugly scenario. Bedtime isn’t any better, either! I’ll save you the gory details about THAT. Let’s just say that was another tests. I’m a stress eater, and this stresses me out, all the time!

I combatted this by remembering that I had a laptop table out in the barn. Now, I will say that I was in the market for a pillow stand for my bobbin lace pillow, after fighting the flat surface of a tabletop while learning and my bobbins rolled or slid everywhere. Dianora, my teacher, said that I needed a slant and gave me some ideas for getting one, which ranged from a notebook to a pillow stand. I tested my laptop stand AND IT WORKED PERFECTLY! It has wrist rests built in that I was initially worried about, but it turns out, they’re perfectly placed to wedge the pillow in without damaging the pillow or allowing it to slip off the stand!

So, I cranked up the TV with Netflix, turned on the next episode of Gilmore Girls (I started season 2 the other day. I finished episode 6 tonight!) and got to work on the pattern Dianora was teaching me on a few weeks ago. It looked like this:

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It was awesome how easy this was to just twist and cross my happy little way through this pattern THREE TIMES! I think it looks like a good, old fashioned game of MasterMind when I get near the bottom!

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Admit it, I’m right!

mastermind

Anyway, so now I have about a yard and a half of bobbin lace that I made all on my own! It didn’t hold its shape very well, which is kind of sad, but it’s my first try, so there you go. I’ll try a different one tomorrow, maybe. Either way, I’ve got the crosses and twists down and even remembered the windmill cross at the intersections! Yeah, I had to take out half the lacing because I realized that I hadn’t been doing it, but hey! I learned!

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Ah, well, that’s been my day. It’s been a bit crazy, but overall, I think I enjoyed most of it. I have learned a lot, picked up a new couple of hobbies, and will be joining the Fiber Guild AND maybe the Friends of Oatland when I get paid on Friday. I guess we’ll have to see what kind of payraise they’re talking about before I get excited. LOL What’s really interesting about today is that I stayed on my plan for most of the day. I walked an extra 1.53 miles and broke a daily “busy time” record I’ve been holding on to for a while. I moved a lot today. Tomorrow will be full of cleaning for Peanut’s party next weekend… She’s into Minecraft. Please pray for me. HAHAHA

Until next time,

this is me, checking in at 215.7 lbs!

 

 

Posted in Optimum Health, Tired of being Tired

25 pounds!!!!

I’ll be honest, I’ve been dancing around about this all day and I’m kind of tired of hearing me gloat about it. I’m still super excited about it, though, so I’ll save my last WHOOHOO! for whoever is reading this!

Now, my day has been somewhat bleh after such a radical high this morning. I have done something different today, though, that I seriously need to get in the habit of doing even when I don’t have awesome mornings on the brain. I forced myself to be positive… all day. When one of my kids did something that pushed a button, I reacted, then snapped out of it and did something positive. So, while I wasn’t exactly cheerful and bouncy coming home, I at least wasn’t a grumpy-puss. So, win, right?

The worst part? My clothes still fit. I’ve lost 25 pounds and my clothes still fit. When I originally set up my weight loss goals, 25 pounds would’ve gotten me a new dress. What’s the point of buying a new dress if it’s the same size I am already wearing? It’s a tiny bit depressing. I don’t want to reward myself with the huge mound of sugar that I’m craving. So, what’s the thing? I’ve hit a great thing, I want to celebrate. It’s Thursday, though, so… bleh. No junk food, no celebratory dinner, no new clothes. Boo.

Which then makes me really irritable because… have I become so extrinsic with my needs? That I need a “thing” to make me feel good about having reached a benchmark that, in the end, will benefit ME?

I have a migraine just thinking about it.

Until then,

This is me checking in at 215 pounds!!!

Posted in Optimum Health, Tired of being Tired

Sick, but still on it!

Today has been rough. No, not in that way. It’s been rough because I don’t feel well, at all. I am droopy, tired, slightly feverish, and horribly motivated to get things done. That is a horrible collection of things, let me tell you. So, I’ve spent most of my day moving, because if I slow down I would crash. The result? Three loads of laundry done, dishwasher loaded and unloaded twice, laundry detergent made, coupons and sales papers devoured, groceries purchased (saved almost $60, yo!), two children cleaned, the kitchen floor cleaned up… and then I sat down. End of usefulness.

Now, that being said, I have learned something today. The Macaroni and Cheese says to use 4 oz of water to cook it. It’s cheese soup with noodles if you do that, though. So, next time, I’m going to put 2 oz in it. Earth shattering, right?

I swear, I feel rough, forgive me for this being the biggest thing to happen to me today.

So, this entry will be short.

Until next time!

This is me checking in at 221 lbs!

Posted in Optimum Health, Uncategorized

Of Tropical Storms, Heavy fighting, and Archery

The last few days have been… weird?

Friday, school was cancelled in preparation of Tropical Storm conditions. We lost power around 10 AM and didn’t get it back until after 8 PM. So, we had a great day with no power! The girls didn’t get wacky until around 6, we grilled dinner and cooked sides on a hot plate fueled by a generator. It was like camping, except inside our house! The girls got “candle dinner” which is one of their favorite things. Don’t get excited, it’s just turning off all the lights, or not having power for the lights, so we light every candle I have on the table so we can eat. They love it. Then, we lit every candle in the den for light as the sun went down. I’m kind of impressed by how good it looks lit up that way, honestly.

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Saturday was a busy day. I got in armor for Fighter Practice on Saturday and got two good fights in before my wrist decided it had had enough. I have carpal tunnel. I wrapped it in a boxer’s brace and it didn’t go well. The vibration of the blows irritated the crap out of my wrist. So, back to the drawing board there. I hung out around the house and watched a pair of kids who are seriously the easiest ones on the planet to watch. Then the girls and I went to dinner at Olive Garden. We came home and started watching a movie! The little one fell asleep on the couch, so I put her to bed around 8:30. Naturally, the power went out before I got the big one in bed. I wasn’t looking forward to trying to get her into bed, but it turns out, I had completely exhausted her and she crashed after about 10 minutes! I went to bed, too. I had worn myself out, as well, apparently. The power came on about 9:30, so there’s that.

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Then, there’s today. It seems that every thing that was set out to do today turned into a thing. We left to take my husband to work to get his hours, but he forgot his security badge, so no getting in to get his stuff. We drove all the way to Pooler before he realized it. We did get a great lunch at Los Bravos in Pooler. After which we came all the way back home and took a short nap. Then I drove out to the park for Archery practice. I shot a 14, which is great for me! Doesn’t hold a candle to what my friends shot, but there you go. I shot better than I did the last time (only a 6, then). It was really the only thing that worked in my day. Then we set out to get dinner and hit Walmart. We started at Dickie’s Bar-B-Que. They were out of chicken, mac and cheese and mashed potatoes, so we didn’t stay for food. We ended up at Huddle House. Insane, right? They had grilled chicken, though, so all’s right with the world! It was too late for the Wal-mart trip, so that’ll have to wait until tomorrow.

The best part, however, was that I crashed through 20 pounds this weekend. I hit 219 this weekend! I stuck to my plan ALL WEEKEND, even through the lack of power on Friday! SQUEE!

So, here we are! One more day of my long weekend (I really love how long this weekend has been! I need this more often!) to go and I’m really hoping it is slow and easy! Wish me luck with that!

 

Until next time!

This is me, checking in at 219.3 lbs! ❤